My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
