she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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