he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
