i wish my penis had a tongue
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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