Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
