Jerry, you need to find god
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
