You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
party gras won. party gras always wins.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
