so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am spending my child support on dildos
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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