He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
