Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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