you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
