We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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