i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
