Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
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Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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