So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
