Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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