Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize