At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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