I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
