Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
