I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
