Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
