Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
