Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yo dont text me then not text me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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