you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
