alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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