Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
