I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
