i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Watching her eat just hurts me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
