dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
