His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
