Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
