I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
