She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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