I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
