Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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