Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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