She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
