I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize