I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
