Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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