In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
