So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
