I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Randomize
