I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
