ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
