I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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