Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
