Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
