I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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