i always forget guys have bellybuttons
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
