I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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