it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
