fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
