I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
