i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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