Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
