she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
