This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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