Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
