Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
