I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
