I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
