I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
