Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
