that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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