If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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