hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
