what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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