Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
my poor anus
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
