my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
