I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
