This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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