bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
