No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
